My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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