Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
