I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
