I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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