dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
