I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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