Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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