Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
