The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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