he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
