How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
