Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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