dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
