i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
