thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
