they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
