She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
