To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
