They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
