Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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