I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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