She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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