did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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