Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize