Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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