Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
