I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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