at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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