so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
