mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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