so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hippo gnu deer
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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