You're so nebulous sometimes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
