Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
