Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
