remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we should paint friendship bongs
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