Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
