At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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