dude i'm inner monologue high
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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