i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.