just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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