Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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  (305): I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B http://tfl.nu/epjn
  Replies (35) Good night (1226) Bad night (3557)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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  (757): Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/ml9k
  Replies (20) Good night (9864) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

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  (972): **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS** http://tfl.nu/fjtm
  Replies (58) Good night (1887) Bad night (4375)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!

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  (818): That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister! http://tfl.nu/bmda
  Replies (20) Good night (7088) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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  (617): The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke. http://tfl.nu/s0m0
  Replies (13) Good night (2535) Bad night (1926)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave

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  (850): Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/oh8m
  Replies (36) Good night (7660) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

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  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5993) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream

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  (740): I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream http://tfl.nu/eta2
  Replies (28) Good night (2757) Bad night (7188)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?

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  (+44): Hey, did you take me to hospital last night? http://tfl.nu/iu9j
  Replies (9) Good night (1732) Bad night (2320)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...

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  (207): If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will... http://tfl.nu/8p69
  Replies (15) Good night (1195) Bad night (2059)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.

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  (919): We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible. http://tfl.nu/ny7k
  Replies (0) Good night (864) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.

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  (256): Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101. http://tfl.nu/zhx3
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.

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  (410): It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again. http://tfl.nu/2qb3
  Replies (4) Good night (374) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.

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  (717): On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities. (240): Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing. http://tfl.nu/nf7v
  Replies (0) Good night (574) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.

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  (626): The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it. http://tfl.nu/08si
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (827)

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