We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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