Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.