I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
