i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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