Where did you get a picture of my penis
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
