I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
