I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
