Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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