Life is so much better after having sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
