in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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