Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
