and she was petting her beer can
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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