I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
please come you make the beer taste better
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
