She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
