Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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