You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The air was thick with penises
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
