i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
