She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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