On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
