can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
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I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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