I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
