Buhtt sex?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
