I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
