if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
