he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
