What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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