Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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