he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
