Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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