Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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