He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
