I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
