dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
