Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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