Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
