How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
